Since Theo's birth, date nights are more rare than... I'm trying to think of something rare but the first and only thing popping into my brain is a Wully-Wully, because that's all I've read today: Babar and the Wully-Wully, about a rare creature the elephant children find that the mean rhinoceros named Rataxes (wtf?) keeps trying to steal. I'm so dead inside I've almost circled back around to feeling again.
Anyhow, Bryan's family was in town so we left Theo with his grandmother so we could go bowling with Bryan's brother and girlfriend. I don't know who decided this would be fun. In my humble hometown, the bowling alley was old with disgusting green carpet, some barely functioning arcade games and a sleazy bar that served Miller Lite and frozen pizzas. This bowling alley was brand new, with a restaurant, two bars, giant screens above each lane showing music videos, and SO. MANY. LIGHTS. There were black lights, blinking lane lights, disco lights, a top floor full of flashing arcade games. The place smelled like sweat, germs, and seizures.
My idea of a good time is either napping or sitting on the couch alone in silence. So needless to say, the visual overstimulation was too much for my brain. I gave air hockey a shot, but the lights blared and the puck made a loud ding! every time it hit the side. I nearly short-circuited. And that's how I end up in the restroom. If I had a memoir it would probably be called Hiding in the Restroom, because that's what I do when I panic in public places. I lock myself in a stall, put my head between my knees, and engage in wishful thinking. As in, I wish when I walk out of the bathroom that my bad date will be gone. Or I will suddenly be sober. Or there won't be a rave outside. It's enough to calm me until I can rationally think of a plan to get the fuck out of there.
After ten minutes when I reemerged, the thrill of shoot-basketballs-at-a-tiny-hoop-until-the-clock-runs-out was over and they were ready to leave, thankfully. Then I made everyone wash their hands and get froyo, because I didn't want us to contract any weird diseases. And also I wanted froyo.